


Good Enough

by solitaryjo



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solitaryjo/pseuds/solitaryjo
Summary: A short and horribly mushy follow-up to But By Degrees





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is why I should never EVER be let within five miles of a computer when I am drinking and listening to Sarah McLachlan.

_How long have I been sleeping?_

Archie woke with a start, the fading memory of a bad dream combining with unfamiliar surroundings to set his heart racing and every nerve in his body on edge. 

“Archie?” Horatio’s voice was a cautious whisper, his hand reaching out but not touching, his brown eyes brimming with concern. 

“Horatio? Have you been sitting there all this time?” 

“It’s only been a few hours and you needed the rest. You were exhausted.” 

  


_And why do I feel so cold?_

The fire was crackling in the hearth and he could still feel the heat radiating from the new burn on his back but it did nothing to dissipate the layer of cold sweat that clung to his skin. 

He shivered and drew the blanket up around his shoulders. 

  


_Why do I feel so old?_

Horatio could not reconcile the pale, listless figure lying before him with his memories of the stunning smile and sparkling blue eyes that he had held in his heart for the past two years. Archie looked so frail. In the flickering light his friend seemed somehow faded - a shadow of what he once was. 

He didn’t know what to say. How could he offer comfort when he himself was the cause of so much pain? 

  


_Who's there that makes you so afraid you're shaken to the bone?_

He should have realised sooner. Should have done more. Should have killed that bastard in his sleep and to hell with the consequences. 

Archie finally broke the silence with a long sigh. 

“I suppose I was foolish to hope it would all just go away now that he’s dead. I should be relieved, maybe even happy, but I just feel numb. Perhaps there are some scars that cannot ever be fully healed.” 

  


_My heart is saying one thing but my body won't let go._

Horatio swallowed back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him. Archie needed him to be strong now and he wasn’t going to fail him this time. 

He attempted what he hoped was an encouraging smile. 

  


_Just let me try and I will be good to you._

“It will take time, Archie. Right now you need to focus on getting better so we can get out of here and go home.” 

Archie gave a bitter laugh. 

“It’s a hell of a long way home, Horatio.” 

Horatio knew he wasn’t talking about the physical distance. Although Archie was free of the dark cloud that had hung over him for so long, its shadow still followed him, cutting him off from the light and joy that should have been his birth right. If home was a place where one could feel safe and loved, Archie Kennedy had not been there in a very long time. 

  


_You deserve so much more than this._

“Oh Archie. I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. You’d be better off if you’d never met me.” 

“No.” Archie pushed himself up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed so that he sat facing Horatio. 

“You’re wrong. You gave me hope. I had nothing left, you see. Nothing mattered anymore. I thought I’d never feel anything but pain and fear. And then suddenly you were there and you seemed so real to me. So full of life. When I saw you standing up to Simpson, I finally thought I might be able to do it too because I wanted you to see me, to really see me, to understand that I didn’t belong to him or anyone else. I wanted to prove I was good enough for you.” 

He shook his head sadly. 

“I couldn’t even manage that.” 

  


_Don't tell me why nothing is good enough._

Horatio felt something tighten in his chest. He tasted salt at the back of his throat as he fought to ride the wave of emotion that threatened to sweep him away. The idea that Archie – beautiful, brave Archie – could consider himself unworthy was beyond comprehension. 

“I think you’ll find you have that the wrong way round.” 

He tried to keep his voice steady but it was a losing battle. 

“Archie, you are so much more than good enough. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve your friendship. When I arrived on _Justinian_ I was so lost and you gave up your own time to teach me and take care of me. You even seemed to like me. No one had ever wanted to be my friend before. Why do you think I was so eager to learn? To get everything right? It wasn’t Master Bowles I was trying to impress, or even Captain Keene. It was you, Archie. I just wanted to make you proud.” 

Eyes fixed on the floor, he didn’t see the rueful smile that crossed Archie’s face as he continued. 

“And then on the _Indy_ you were so happy until I ruined everything. Until I pulled _him_ out of the water, stood by and said nothing while he persuaded the Captain to let him go with us. Until I knocked you out and left you to …” 

He buried his face in his hands. 

“I am a coward and a terrible friend and I don’t know how you can even bear to look at me.” 

  


_I don't have to pretend, he doesn't expect it from me._

Archie gently prised Horatio’s hands from his tear-streaked face and held them tightly in his own. 

“Oh Horatio. You still don’t see it, do you? You’re the reason I’m still here, the only thing that kept me going these past two years. They couldn’t break me completely, no matter what they did. They couldn’t take away the one thing that really matters, the one thing that makes me who I am. As long as I love you, they can never win.” 

“As long as you ...?“ 

“Love you.” 

  


_And I would be the last to know._

Horatio didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He wanted to run out into the courtyard and shout “Archie Kennedy loves me!” at the top of his voice but he thought that might be inappropriate. He sat on the little chair with a stunned expression on his face and looked deep into those incredible blue eyes. After all he’d done, there was no hint of blame, no hesitation, no sign of anything but the astonishing truth. 

  


_I would be the last to let it show._

“I love you too, Archie,” he whispered, leaning forward to meet his friend’s lips in a tender kiss. 

  


And to Archie, home didn’t seem so far away after all. __

**Author's Note:**

> The songs are [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubWfQYhdrjo) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvMCQprKqZc) if you want the full, appalling experience.


End file.
